Puasa For A Day

Selamat Hary Raya, maaf zahir dan batin!

Don't fret, I haven't adopted any new religion. I'm still the Apatheist who loves pork XP However, in light of recent incidents that have happened which have gotten a lot of media attention, I probably shouldn't be so blatant =/ Despite the whole 1Malaysia thing, I think Malaysia still lacks behind in terms of racial tolerance, additional thanks to the politicians for making it an even bigger issue *rolls eyes*

According to the theory of in-group-out-group bias, it is easy to understand why some people say the things they say or do the things they do. However, I believe that this form of bias like any other can be overcome or minimized if both groups were to experience walking in each other's shoes and understanding each other.

That brings me to why I did what I did this Ramadan, which was accepting a challenge from a Malay colleague to fast for a day. Though to be honest, I was initially tempted by the prospect of being treated to a yummy break-fast meal *haha* XD Nonetheless, I managed to survived fasting through the day with no food or water. I woke up at 5am that day to have breakfast and didn't eat nor drink till 7.30pm. It wasn't too hard not to eat or feel tempted to eat throughout the day. I even browsed food blogs and sat through lunch with two colleagues eating pork noodles in front of me *LOL* However, the fact that I couldn't even drink a sip of water during the day really tested my perseverance. By 4.30pm in the evening, I thought I would die from thirst and was starting to feel drowsy because I skipped lunch. Come 6.30pm when my colleague finally said we could head to the restaurant where we will be breaking fast, I couldn't be more glad =D

When the break-fast prayers went off, I took my first bite of sweet date for the first time. It tasted better than I expected and the first sip of liquid other than my own saliva since 5.45am was like heaven. I shared a meal with 3 of my Malay colleagues in an Arab restaurant full of Muslims and was totally enjoying myself chomping down the food, talking about everything including my experience and the reason behind fasting.

It felt really good to have successfully fasted, and I totally understand what Muslims have to go through now. I really respect all the Muslims who truly fast for the right reasons *SALUTE!* And I know they would have been proud of me for what I've done just like my 3 Malay colleagues too =D By going through what they go through, I now understand them a little more and am happy for that =) For all those who have never tried fasting, let me tell you now that you will never know how it feels like until you have gone through it yourself. There is no way of describing the sort of hardship one goes through with no water or food when it is so readily available all around us.

Not long after my fasting experience, I came across this Joseph Germani's video which talks about his experience of fasting for a day as well during this Ramadan month.

I believe my thoughts on my experience and his are quite similar and that if more people are willing to put themselves in another's situation, there will definitely be a lot more understanding and tolerance of each other's culture and religion. The world will no doubt be a much better place if everyone strive towards a mutual understanding =)

PEACE OUT!

I can't read minds

Everytime when people learned that I did Psychology in university, they always ask "So you can read minds/people?" And the sad answer is "No, I can't!"

I'm actually pretty bad when it comes to reading people, or maybe I just don't trust my instincts/intuition enough or just couldn't be bothered reading them because I prefer to judge a person based on how s/he interacts with me in reality. That is to say, as long as Person A treats me a particular way, that is how s/he will be in my books unless proven otherwise; I won't try to second guess their intentions except under certain circumstances.

You may say I'm naive for behaving that way, but I don't see the point of complicating matters which I cannot fully comprehend. The human mind is a complex mechanism that produces complicated output, but I like things to be simple. I guess I am turning a blind eye on the ugly-ness of human nature, but why make life difficult for oneself by doubting others?

No doubt that gaining more understanding of the people around you will give you an added advantage and prevent oneself from being deceived. Though how reliable is that understanding? Psychology had taught me that everything is subjective and there will always be outliers, heck we even calculate standard deviation for our experiments! So what does that tell you? There is never a right or wrong answer when it comes to understanding humans, there are only generalizations, which can be dangerous when applied wrongly or misused.

So let me ask you this...would you want the ability to read what is on another's mind?

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one."

- Imagine by John Lennon

The Corporate World

All the unspoken rules
All the between the lines

All the backstabbing

All the lies and deceit

All the sacrificial stepping stones

All the success

All the rewards

All the status

All the fame and fortune

All the promises of glory

I HATE IT!

Am I suppose to learn how to cope and overcome all these?

To grow up? =(

Tears

"That's better. Why are you crying? You never cry." - Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James

Crying to me has always been a sign of weakness. I never used to cry easily, I never get emotional easily either. I somewhat believe I have been conditioned not to cry because crying would bring about more punishment. I was taught earlier on that crying never gets you what you want, so I stopped crying.

My colleague asked me a funny question yesterday "Do you sometimes just start crying out of a sudden for no reason?" I find it a really weird question to ask. I don't believe people cry for no reason. There is always a reason, it's just whether you are aware of it or not.

I remember the time when we were at the hospital when dad passed away, I cried, briefly but hard. I didn't cry after that, not at the wake, not at the funeral, not at all for a few months. In fact, I never cry at funerals. I couldn't find any reason to cry, the dead cannot be brought back to life, and nobody could change that, not if I cry. I know it is not right, we need to grieve, but I couldn't find the right channel to do so. Bro was the same and mum was trying to be strong for us, and that caused a lot of penned up emotion among the three of us. During that year, we always got angry at each other easily, shouted at each other all the time, it was difficult. I knew why and what was causing it, but I just couldn't stop myself from getting angry and shouting. It was our way of communicating and releasing the emotional pressure, however wrong and inappropriate it was.

One day, bro and I were arguing over something really petty. I just blew up and started shouting at the top of my lungs. I had no idea why I was so angry. It was such a silly argument over such a silly thing, but I was so angry to the point where I just started crying. I remember hiding in my room curled up on my bed, and having a long hard cry. It took a while to realize the main reason I was crying, and the more I thought of the reason, the more I cried. It was a long while before I calmed down and slept a little before I faced the world again.

I finally realized the healing powers of a good hard cry. That was roughly half a year after dad passed away.

Since then, I am more easily touched and affected by emotional things (yes, they are things because I'm trying to depersonalize it >_<). I don't know if this is a good thing because I feel more vulnerable. I still can't shed the notion of crying being a form of weakness even though I have experienced it's healing side. Crying is not my thing, being weak is not my thing.

So if I ever cry, it means something.

Branding

Personal branding is defined as the creation of an asset that pertains to a particular person or individual; this includes but is not limited to the body, clothing, appearance and knowledge contained within, leading to an indelible impression that is uniquely distinguishable — according to Wikipedia.

The above is apparently my personal branding, or in other words how I appear to my colleagues. Sweet? Charming? Pretty? Comel? Many would be delighted to have people say such thing about them. I don't deny feeling good for a bit when I found out, however, I realized that out of 9 people, only 2 thought I was helpful and easy to mingle. What does that say about me as a person? I don't seem smart, friendly or professional then?

I can't help but think people only wrote whatever they did because they don't know what else to write and is just being nice. I don't think I'm sweet, charming nor very pretty or comel. People who really know me would probably agree with me and think it's a joke -_-'' Even if they did mean what they say, does that mean I'm basically just a nice-looking empty shell there for decorative purpose?

Is this really a reflection of how I am at work? Labelled under the "dumb blonde" category? =( I often question why I got into this management trainee program but failed in all the other ones. Why? What if they got the wrong person for the job?

There have been a few times in the past couple of weeks where I was put on the spot and end up saying or doing stupid things. I believe I would be forgiven since trainees are seen to be still learning, but no doubt it'll affect my evaluation somewhat =/

It's only been slightly more than 2 months since I started working at N. But the 2 months had been so different compared to my previous job. No stress, no late nights, and I feel so much closer to many of my current colleagues in these past 2 months than most of my ex-colleagues whom I've worked and OT-ed with for 3 months.

Nobody knows what will happen next year once they switch to being performance-based, nobody knows what will happen after 15 months when I hopefully graduate from the program, but I know that despite being possibly labelled as a "dumb blonde" I am definitely much happier working at N =D